This. That. No Other. » Canada v. USA

Dreaming

bstewart23 — Wed, 30 Sep 2009 19:19:24 +0000

I should totally be packing for our trip while waiting for the next round of tests to come down the pipe from Toronto but find my mind wandering south, not east or even Middle East. Hunh.

Dreaming (30 September 2009)

“And I’m Not Being Sarcastic (Not At All)”

bstewart23 — Tue, 22 Sep 2009 16:58:57 +0000

Brilliant work from Funny or Die:

Protect Insurance Companies PSA from Will Ferrell

Courtesy Sheepy.

What the Fuck, Tim Hortons?

bstewart23 — Mon, 10 Aug 2009 13:56:30 +0000

Full disclosure: I can’t stand Tim Hortons and their long line-ups for mediocre coffee and, worse, the smug, anti-elite posturing of their loyal customers. That said…

It’s bad enough that bigoted hags like Maggie Gallagher, who heads up the odious National Organization for Marriage, can get any sponsors for their events, but when one of them is among the most widely-recognizable names in Canadian culture? That’s just fucked up.

NOM Rhode Island + Tim Hortons

Please skip your Timbits today and contact them instead to tell them what you think about their sponsorship of an organization entirely devoted to taking away the equal rights of same-sex couples and to ensure that that inequality be enshrined in law. When I called this morning, Tim Hortons Customer Service office seemed a little thrown by the news and was unwilling to comment until they’d investigated to make sure the use of their corporate name and logo had been approved.

UPDATE: Tim Hortons responds in a good way (link courtesy Madge):

Recently, Tim Hortons was approached in Rhode Island to provide free coffee and products for a local event, as we do thousands of times a year across Canada and the United States.

For 45 years, Tim Hortons and its store owners have practiced a philosophy of giving back to the communities in which we operate. As a company, our primary focus is on helping children and supporting fundraising events for non-profit organizations and registered charities.

For this reason, Tim Hortons has not sponsored those representing religious groups, political affiliates or lobby groups.

It has come to our attention that the Rhode Island event organizer and purpose of the event fall outside of our sponsorship guidelines. As such, Tim Hortons can not provide support at the event.

Tim Hortons and its store owners have always welcomed all families and communities to its restaurants and will continue to do so. We apologize for any misunderstanding or inconvenience this may have caused.

Why Hasn’t God Destroyed Canada Yet?

bstewart23 — Tue, 23 Jun 2009 13:37:10 +0000

Webcomic artist Patrick Farley nails the American same-sex marriage debate in graphical form:

Patrick Farley on America’s Same-Sex Marriage Debate

More evolved societies — the ones which considered the pink arguments somewhere between “wrong” and “ludicrous” before granting full marriage equality to gays and lesbians — must look at the U.S. flavour of this debate as a cringing reminder of our own foot-dragging on an issue steeped in ignorance and outright lies.

(Via BoingBoing)

California Über Alles

bstewart23 — Tue, 26 May 2009 21:07:14 +0000

Iowa > California, for real.

At one time I wanted to live in Los Angeles (and tried very hard to do just that). At another time I wanted to live in San Francisco (and tried very, very hard to do that, too).

Now I’m hard-pressed to think about even visiting California. Boycott? You’d better fucking believe it.

Hugs to my CA friends and family (biological & chosen) who must be seriously disappointed today. There will be civil disobedience tonight. Arrests + processing + public defenders = one hefty bill for a state whose economy is in the shitter.

Some day (soon), the majority might rule that Spanish is the only official language of California.

Video: Dead Kennedys’ “California Über Alles”

Condom Fairy

bstewart23 — Fri, 08 May 2009 11:21:47 +0000

It’s a sad fact that most condom ads are neither sexy nor clever. This Lifestyles ad is both. Plus funny. Plus no one was humiliated or shamed, so it couldn’t be a Canadian ad. Mildly NSFW, in case you were wondering. Oh, also? WARNING: Straight people doing the sexy:

Video: Lifestyles Condom fairy

(via ScaryIdeas).

See C-61, See?

bstewart23 — Thu, 07 May 2009 10:22:10 +0000

Bill C-61 is an absurd new law, touted as “made in Canada” but crafted by greedy American corporations and brought to the table by Canadian legislator — uninformed fools who, for want of a better expression, don’t know shit about fuck (that would be Stephen Harper’s Conservatives).

Michael Geist writes often (and relentlessly) about the absurdity of this proposed law and I’ve mentioned it here, too. To refresh: digital format-shifting — i.e. ripping a CD or DVD which you purchased to your iTunes and then to your iPod and then merely backing up those files to a DVD — will be an offense, as will keeping an episode of Fringe on your DVR beyond a “reasonable” length of time. Want to go back and watch the premiere? Tough; it’s not yours to keep. But the wrongness and FAIL doesn’t end there.

Your absolute best resource is Michael Geist’s site, but this recent film will, in 11 minutes and 20 seconds, explain succinctly Bill C-61′s affront to creativity, culture and, well, common sense. The majority of Canadians will become criminals under the proposed law, and while you may whinge that there’s no way in hell they could possibly enforce such a law, the potential for selective enforcement looms large.

And we know how that “selective enforcement” thing usually goes (*cough*bible*cough*)… Check it out:

Video: C-61

(via Doctorow at BoingBoing).

YVR2: Rank Amateurs

bstewart23 — Wed, 29 Apr 2009 17:54:47 +0000

From Mercer’s 2009 Quality of Living Survey:

Top 5 Cities (Wordwide, Quality of Life)

Vienna, Austria (1st)
Zurich, Switzerland (2nd)
Geneva, Switzerland (3rd )
Vancouver, Canada (tied 4th)
Auckland, New Zealand (tied 4th)

Top 5 Cities (Worldwide, Infrastructure)

Singapore, Singapore (1st)
Munich, Germany (2nd)
Copenhagen, Denmark (3rd)
Tsukuba, Japan (4th)
Yokohama, Japan (5th)

Top 5 Cities (North America, Quality of Life)

Vancouver, Canada (tied 4th)
Toronto, Canada (15th)
Ottawa, Canada (16th)
Montreal, Canada (22nd)
Calgary, Canada (26th)

Top 5 Cities (North America, Infrastructure)

Vancouver, Canada (6th)
Atlanta, USA (15th)
Montreal, Canada (tied 15th)
Toronto, Canada (18th)
Washington D.C, USA (24th)

Hmm. How about that.

Shut Up or Die

bstewart23 — Wed, 11 Mar 2009 14:41:40 +0000

I awoke this morning to a newscast featuring the latest in Ottawa, our nation’s capitol: Canada’s Humanist Association is holding a protest against the banning of the atheist bus ads of which I’ve spoken, endlessly, in these pages. Yes, in the seat of our egalitarian country, it is forbidden to suggest on public transit that god probably does not exist.

Frequent visitors here don’t need to guess at my reaction to the violence against intellect which this banning represents, but for some reason I was particularly sensitive this morning to the abject stupidity and pig-ignorance of those whose faith is so weak as to need protection from even the mildest suggestion that it’s all for nought. So much so that I opted to avoid the subway today — the worst thing about “public transit” is the “public” part — and opted, instead, for a short cab ride down Yonge Street.

Naturally, this course of action was fraught with its own, special brand of fuckedupedness, as every single intersection where a left turn is allowed had its right lane blocked by a delivery vehicle. So, in the largest city in Canada, the police blithely ignore vehicles which reduce traffic flow down the most recognizable street in the country from two to fucking zero lanes.

And, worse, from the warm taxi, I was treated to endless streams of pedestrians crossing in the middle of the street, crossing against signals, crossing right in front of the taxi, shuffling with zombielike somnambulence, utterly oblivious to both the personal safety they were flouting and the disruption they’re causing every motorist on the road.

From Pontypool, ON, to Toronto

And, to get petty, they looked as if — 75% of them, that is — some shadowy organization had airlifted the ugliest, stupidest, most inbred idiots from a remote Ontario town, forced them to reproduce — while simultaneously culling from them those who displayed the tiniest sentience — and plopped them on the Street of Yonge. (Rest assured that I’m not suggesting the aforementioned are representative of rural Ontario, by the way.) Mindless, they’re able to hold only one thought in their dead brains: the hunger for human flesh must… cross… road.

Oh, Canada! You never cease to funnel your rural zombies to Toronto! Why is it that so many people in Toronto are oblivious to the fact that there are four fucking million people living here, not one of whom care to wait for their barely-conscious selves to get the fuck out of the way?

And, hey, speaking of Canada, I’ve been treated to some CanCon cinema lately. A few weeks ago I attended a sneak preview of the Pacey Joshua Jackson-produced One Week, starring the Dawson’s Creek actor, who, as most of you are already aware, hails from this gorgeous country of ours. And, in fact, if ever there was a cinematic love letter to Canada, One Week is it.

Jackson leaves Toronto in One Week

I enjoyed it. It’s not challenging, it traffics in filmic clichés — cancer victim with only a few months to live! — and it flirts a little too closely with Canadianisms — hockey! Tim Hortons! — which even my mother would find overly obvious. That said, its Crimes of Obviousness are minor and its heart is quite solidly in the right place and, for those of us who’ve traveled the roads down which Jackson steers his motorcycle, it’s a fond reminder of how fucking gorgeous this country really is. More importantly, it celebrates the small, private adventures a full and rich life requires.

Canadian films are, by virtue of their origins, practically defined as independent productions. Contrast the hugeness of the Canada in which Jackson experiences his gem-like adventures escaping Toronto with the claustrophobic paranoia of Bruce McDonald’s new movie, Pontypool:

Video: Pontypool Trailer

Now, I’m a big McDonald fan, and have been since his blistering Hard Core Logo (and despite his lackluster efforts in the execrable Queer as Folk). Andrew O’Hehir, in his review of Watchmen, said “this is the kind of movie that keeps setting off bombs in your brain hours after you’ve seen it.” My mind is still being blown, twelve hours after Pontypool. (Speaking of Watchmen, Pontypool‘s star, Stephen McHattie, appears in both).

What if strip-club rocker Bruce McDonald sat down with avant-art icons William S. Burroughs and Laurie Anderson and hatched a nightmare, transcribed by writer Tony Burgess? Equals Pontypool. It’s kind of impossible to discuss the zombie invasion of a small-town Ontario radio station without addressing the conceit behind the zombie virus transmission, and my mere mention of Burroughs and Anderson will have tipped their fans to the mode of transport, but… No.

I’m loathe to spoil it — though I don’t believe I’ve read a single review which hasn’t — so I’ll leave it to the book (and screenplay)’s author, Tony Burgess, to explain. (And you may thank me for choosing the least-spoilery trailer, above). You’ve been warned, ye who want not to be spoiled in the slightest:

Video: Pontypool writer Tony Burgess

And this film, despite its horror-genre sensibility, is as peculiarly Canadian as One Week, especially in its climax, though I’m heading into spoiler territory again just by stating that.

Most of you won’t even have the opportunity to see this movie in the theatre, its release will be so criminally microscopic. But not to worry, the claustrophobia and tight staging of this film will play well in your living room if you rent it. And rent it you really must. It’s by no means a perfect film, though the lead performances are stellar; McHattie in particular brings an awesome mixture of Don Imus, Noam Chomsky and Roland Barthes (to steal a description from the Toronto International Film Festival’s copy for the film’s debut here last year). The music, editing and design are note-perfect, too.

McDonald scores near-perfectly with the supremely independent Pontypool.

And those zombies on Yonge Street? Maybe they weren’t airlifted from some small, backwater Ontario town. Maybe there’s something, here in Toronto, which has infected them. And me. And maybe you’ve now been infected.

Wit and a Half

bstewart23 — Thu, 19 Feb 2009 20:33:17 +0000

I had to giggle at the truncated Getty Images headline:

Maybe some wit (L) rubbed off on the other guy (R).

No, We Canadan’t

bstewart23 — Sun, 07 Dec 2008 15:09:20 +0000

Being sick this past week and a half has afforded me the opportunity to spend far too much time watching endless telemedia analyses of the current crisis in Canadian politics and government and, believe me, I’ve been sorely tempted to comment on it. But here’s a frank admission: two sentences in and I get so fucking wound up and disgusted by the utter ineptitude and crass posturing of all parties involved that I just give up.

It’s not just the staggering arrogance and incompetence of the Conservative government or the rudderless ineptitude of the opposition, nor is it just a lack of national self-determination which produces pro-coalition chants of “YES WE CAN-ADA!” or jaw-droppingly retarded, pro-Harper signs like this that reduces me to angry tears, it’s that the whole thing gets reported by the anticharismatic and unsexy Mike Duffy and Craig Oliver, too. While I’m eager to send the (Bush-fellating, copyright-copulating, Bible-hugging) Conservative government to the dustbin, what could replace them is, perhaps, only a smidge less repulsive.

And that our whole government gets shut down for two months by an unelected understudy to the British monarch is beyond insane. Beyond.

You can get better opinion and analysis elsewhere. Here? You get this:

(Thanx and a tip of the hat to Dead Robot for the video and photosapience for the Harper poster photo.)

Love for All

bstewart23 — Mon, 24 Nov 2008 15:51:30 +0000

From Joe (Another One) — via Joe.My.God. — comes this sweet ad from… tennis icon Björn Borg? For real:

The ad, for Borg’s Love for All dating site clothing line, debuts today on Swedish TV. If I had a bazillion dollars, this ad would be on heavy U.S. television rotation throughout the Thanksgiving holiday. Just to fuck with y’all.

Canadians Breathe Collective Sigh of Relief: Stephen Baldwin Staying Put

bstewart23 — Wed, 19 Nov 2008 16:28:49 +0000

From today’s Page Six:

STEPHEN Baldwin was just kidding about the promise he made on Fox News to leave the country if Barack Obama was elected president. “The liberal Democrats who didn’t get that I was joking need to lighten up,” the born-again Christian told Page Six. “Obama is obviously talented and intelligent, and I have great respect for the man. He’s got my full support, and I’m gonna be praying for him and his administration.” Baldwin, who hosts tomorrow’s fund-raiser for 146 Love, a charity that seeks to end Asia’s child-sex trade, still won’t support gay marriage: “If they legalize gay marriage in all 50 states in my lifetime, I’ll get a Billy Ray Cyrus tattoo on my butt to go with the Hannah Montana one.”

All of us socialist Joe Fudgepacks up here in Canada were scratching our heads earlier this year when the least-talented Baldwin Brother threatened to leave the U S of A if Barack Obama was elected president. I mean, Canada?

Even if Obama was a mavrick‘s [sic] worst nightmare, there are worse things in Canada’s hellish heaven, Baldwin, than are dreamt of in your philosophy. I mean, our national television networks regularly feature ladies’ boobies and the word “fuck”. And don’t get me started on how gay our football rules are here.

I’m eager to see that Billy Ray Cyrus tattoo when you get it done, douchebag.

Bitch, You Were In Bio-Dome!

bstewart23 — Sun, 16 Nov 2008 00:03:11 +0000

My fave sign from the Anti-Anti-Same-Sex Marriage Demo outside the U.S. Consulate this afternoon:

(Earlier this year, the undertalented actor and douchebag threatened to emigrate to Canada if McCain didn’t win.)

Nothing Bad Ever Happened to Us

bstewart23 — Sat, 15 Nov 2008 23:55:08 +0000

Miserable, cold and rainy day today in downtown Toronto, but that didn’t stop a smallish — but very diverse, fun and vocal — crowd of T.O. queers and their straight friends from showing support for our lesbigay brethren and sistern south of the border, outside the U.S. Consulate on University Avenue, as part of an over-300-city protest at 1:30PM (Eastern) today.

Hey, religious right-wing fuckpigs of America! We’ve been marrying the people we choose to love for three years and I don’t see Canadian society unraveling in even the slightest way. Like we thought it would, you douchebags. (And the slug for this post comes from a Danny Elfman/Oingo Boingo song from… back when I was the age of most of those attending today, by the way).

What a gas chatting with so many people — young, old, as ethnically and sexually and religiously diverse as is possible! And thanks to all who posed for dorky photos. You rock and rage.

Some of my fave pics are below, and you can click on them to embiggen (but not the first one, of me ‘n’ Champ — too blurry!), but click here to see the whole set.