It’s with considerable relief that I return to semiregular posts here. I’ve hinted at a couple of the reasons but only now am feeling up to talking about it. Or, rather, them.
So here’s the deal for those of you interested and who haven’t already collected a slice’s worth of the scant breadcrumbs dropped here and there.
Yes, there was some bloodletting at work. It caused a blow to staff morale, as one might expect, but it was not altogether a surprise (or unwarranted). Those who remain have been assured we’re on firmer ground now but nothing’s guaranteed, and on that truth we’re abundantly clear.
Yes, there’s been considerable stress in my personal life as a result of some rather big relationship changes but that’s on firmer ground now, too and, yeah, nothing’s ever guaranteed on that one, either.
Yes, I’ll cop to an unreasonably dim outlook on the world in the past couple of months, largely due to the above but in no small measure due to the continuing decline in the quality of life in downtown Toronto, friends who’ve hit the unemployment lines and, not to put too small an emphasis on it, the uniformly bleak outlook presented by the media.
The American right wing is doing a bang-up job of imploding in the most fucked-in-the-head fashion, which would normally produce a rich supply of schadenfreude. But, for a media junkie-whore like me, the wall-to-wall coverage of stupid, hateful, greedy, bigoted and threatening morons south of the border — and the history of that kind of crap leaking across the 49th parallel to Canada — combined with a serious case of late-winter SADD, well, it was pretty depressing. Not clinically-depressing — and I know from clinical depression, y’all — but from an angsty hopelessness for the future of North America.
And yet… all of the above was mere gravy on the roast beef entrée of what was occupying my every waking — and, frequently, sleeping — moment. My health was severely compromised and, for a guy who goes to the gym at least six days a week and whose doctor regularly marvels at his level of fitness, it was pretty devastating.
So what happened? Well, first you should know that for almost six weeks I’ve been plagued by gastrointestinal issues, extreme exhaustion and headaches which ranged, on the low end, from a steel-lathe-vise-like pressure to sledgehammering-railway-spikes pain on the upper. Twenty four hours a day. Every day. I could not sleep. I could not think straight. I couldn’t read, I could barely function at work and I vaguely recall my boss asking me the simplest question and not even being able to understand what he’d asked, let alone being able to answer him. Fun.
Now, I do suffer from moderate hypothyroidism and my doctor and I first assumed that my meds perhaps needed adjusting. So we tried that. Up and up. Nothing. Then, since it was very fashionable in Toronto last month, it was assumed that I might have a sinus infection, exacerbated by seasonal allergies and we tried a course of gut-shredding antibiotics. Nope. The headaches continued, the sour taste in my mouth making every bite of food unpleasant. My jaw ached and every (frequent) yawn caused it to crack painfully.
Ow.
My visit to Vancouver with Champ was considerably dampened by all of this but his mom came up with the novel suggestion that it might have something to do with decades-old root canals. It made sense, actually.
On the day of my (early) return from Vancouver, I managed to see my dentist and he spent 90 minutes poking and prodding and x-raying and… no abscesses, no infection. Because I’m ridiculously thorough, I brought in my dental night guard and the moment he saw it his face simultaneously lit up and darkened.
Without getting into too much litigation detail, lets just say that the root, heh, of my problems now appears to be a misadventure in orthodontia as a result of my made-out-of-incorrect-materials night guard. In another week my skull should be back to normal. The headaches are now no more than hangoverlike in intensity. And the other stuff, the stuff I mentioned up at the top? They’re fully-manageable now.
So, yeah, that was that thing that happened.
Oh, also? Toronto and I are splitting up after living together for 22 of the 23 years we’ve been going steady. You guys, don’t breathe a word; I haven’t told him yet.
27 comments
yeow!
and I thought my winter was bad!
funny, I’m breaking up with Manhattan, after 35 years.
my thoughts are with you!
I’m glad to hear from you again — I’ve been spotty myself in blogging terms, but for different reasons. I sincerely hope that you feel better. Sincerely.
As for me, Atlanta and I are in an open relationship.
I am sorry your last couple of months have been made of awfulness. It often comes down to the teeth. I only know this because I am currently sending my oral surgeon’s children to Cornell. Sending you happy thoughts.
Well glad to hear things are more manageable, at any rate. Hopefully the summer brings less stressful times.
… dude, ouch. You have my deepest sympathies for your health issues, and I’m glad things are starting to improve.
I have to say, though, I don’t think Toronto’s going to be surprised. I get the impression that asshole’s been doing that passive-aggressive thing where he basically wants to dump you but doesn’t want the responsibility, so acts like a jerk until you break up with him.
Arse.
Champ’s mother is a genius.
I was so hoping you were terribly busy being awesome, even though things weren’t hinting that way. I hate to think of you being terribly busy suffering. It is good to know that you’re pulling alongside and passing all this crap. Across the desert lies the promised land!
This has been a rather shitty year for most everyone I know, and after the hellish winter Chicago dished out, I have been looking for a no strings attached FB on Cityhunt.net. Hope you rebound soon, and that this episode leads to a new path you find pleasure in. New city, new job or new something, I wish you positive outcomes.
it’s gonna be good to have you back on any semi-regular basis. your rants are one of my favorite morning routines. i’m glad you found and fixed the problem and wish you the best on the other fronts!
Welcome back to the land of the living. Ugh dental problems are the worst, i am glad you are back to normal missed your wit and no nonsense approach to ignorant people. Best wishes on finding a new place to dwell and new adventures too! Hopefully your post on Vancouver was a harbinger of news that your tilting the quota of handsome men towards the West?
Pfferberg in Seattle
I’m worried now. Is my bite guard waiting to ruin my life as well? What’s the right material for it to be made of?
As someone who wearing a bite guard due to being a major teeth grinder, I’m glad that you have found a solution to your headache problems. While things have sounded pretty terrible for you in the past few months, it does sound like they are turning around. So, I’m glad for that.
Re: Toronto, be gentle in breaking up with him. From all the posts and pictures of Toronto, I can tell he’s pretty neurotic.
Yay! You’re feeling better! And we’ll be in the same time zone soon!
Fuck you Toronto! Brett’s leaving you! You’ve been asking for it.
I’m glad things are looking up, and I can’t wait to hear where you’re going to be next!
Missed you. Thank you so for the update. (I suggest Montréal? The politics are Divertingly Insane, and the city is beautiful, though on the old/crumbly side.)
Yikes! Glad you’re feeling better now!
gee so your life has been ruined by your nightguard?
As a dentist myself it surprises me that so few people take responsibility for their own stress and so often try to shirk the responsibility onto something else………especially at a competitor’s face making. I’ve always thought of you as a wise thinker and would be surprised if this wasn’t a temporary down moment visa vi all the nonsense in your life right now.
Maybe you should move further away from Toronto which is soooo close to the US …………come out West to Vancouver and stay and get well.
Good to have you back, in whatever state. And, not to put a too fine a point on it…the journey not the isle… Stay well, be happy. Poor York!
I am very happy to hear you finally figured out what was going on with the health issue. Too bad is sounds like you were slowly being poisoned.
I hope all goes well for you as well with the move out west, since that is where I am assuming you are going now that you are dumping Toronto. I can certainly understand the being over your city feeling. After 34 years I am about over Boston and have been looking for the past year into other places to live. Sorry to hear you are leaving Toronto, since that is one of the cities I am thinking about. (Note to self, call Canadian Consulate and start Canadian passport process)
In summation, I hope everything starts to look up for you from here on in. I am afraid I have to agree with Tater. So far 2009 has sucked out loud. Still, hope springs eternal. I just hope Toronto isn’t too bitter over you dumping it. Bon chance!
Thanks to all for the very kind words and well wishes. I haven’t gone too much into the details of my orthodontic hell, but the problem was, indeed, in the night guard material. But it wasn’t the composition as much as it was the nonpliancy of the final product. Can’t go into too much detail until it’s satisfactorily resolved, but it was basically turning me into a teenager with braces, fitted and tightened by a maniac.
Yikes, there’s definitely a lot going in your neck of the woods of your life. I was checking to see if the number “23″ was relevant to any of what’s been going on – i.e. “22 out of *23* years”. The only other thing I came up with is a stretch. According to Wikipedia humans usually have *32* permanent teeth. That’s “23″ in reverse! :=)
Anyway, like everyone else above I hope things continue to get
better for you (I’m sure they will). Of course, moving somewhere new can be its own “fun” sometimes but if you’re going to
Vancouver maybe there will be more sunny days there.
I’m glad to hear that things are better for you and you’ve discovered the source of your headaches. I had a white-blinding headache last week and thought it was an aneurysm…the results of yesterday’s MRI should be at my doctors. I’m scared shitless about what it may be.
Sorry to hear about Toronto. I’ve always heard such wonderful things and hoped to visit. Heck, Montreal is closer to me and I can’t even get up there!
Yip the issue is pliancy…….the hard hard type stuff just makes no sense but was always the treatment of choice ….times change.
Never did them myself…….when it comes to stress most often keep it soft.
I am glad you are back with some posts. Sorry that you have not been feeling up to snuff, but you look great in your new pic! & remember…”it is better to look good than to feel good”
I’m always interested in your point of view.
I’m so glad that you finally got your health issues solved; the worry is just as draining as the illness itself. From what I have seen of Vancouver, it looks like a gorgeous city, and not the stream of bleh that shows up in your photos of the place.
By “bleh”, I am referring to Toronto…
But…but….Toronto needs you!
1- glad the health thing got a cause finally and you are fixing that
2- glad you still have a job
3- glad you and your beau seem to be working things out.
4- sad about you and Toronto