Peel ‘n’ Fail

I don’t want to appear unnecessarily petty — as opposed to necessarily petty — since there’s a war going on and people are dying ‘n’ stuff, and I really don’t want to sound all Jerry Seinfeld at this stage of my life, but I can’t, for the life of me, understand how it is that manufacturers have actually made it more difficult to get at their goddamned products than ever before.

I mean, when I was a kid and had short, stubby fingers which practically defined inept, I could still open adhesive bandage packaging and I sure as hell could open a blister-pack of sandwich meat. I don’t know whether it’s a general contempt for the consumer or the utter ineptitude of all personnel at every step of the packaging process, but I’ll be fucked if I can get this crap open in the manner intended.

President’s Choice™ Stone-Baked Ham

Rexall™ Adhesive Strips

At least in the kitchen, you’ve got a knife to open the ham when the fucking “peel open” tab is fused to the packaging. And when you’re bleeding all over from a cut by said knife, wouldn’t it be helpful if you could actually peel open the goddamned bandage? No. It would, apparently, be more helpful to shred the paper sleeve, and stretch and wrinkle the bandage inside so that it’s virtually unusable.

Aren’t products supposed to get better as we progress? Or is this all some frighteningly cynical attempt by the manufacturers to get us to consume more by ruining what should be easily opened?