Trouble Within
Sometimes I think we’re our own worst enemies. By “we” I mean homos and by “worst enemies” I mean “happy Pride Week, jerkasses.”
So it’s like this. Leven and I often talk on the phone about the liberating experience of peeling off your shirt in environments which have, traditionally, been entirely appropriate for the partial or almost-full disrobing of the body. If I hear one more lesbian bitching about the tits on display during this Saturday’s Dyke March, I may become seriously cross. If I hear one more gay man sniffing haughtily about shirtless guys at our men’s drinking and dancing establishments, I may accidentally start spilling my beverages.
No, really. I hear it All. The. Fucking. Time. “Oh, those muscleboys love showing it off on the dance floors, they should get a life.” Or “Jesus, he’s as big as a small church and I’d appreciate not having to look at it shirtless.” Or, perhaps worst of all, “if he’s going to take his shirt off, the least he could do is shave his shoulders.”
No, wait, the absolute worst of all is: “I know it’s really hot and sunny outside, but I wish those HIV guys wouldn’t insist on wearing shorts and tanktops.”
Yes, so you’ll feel more comfortable, queen.
Now, I don’t want to be so presumptuous as to suggest that the gents to whose comments I am privy are finishing post-graduate degrees in self-loathing, but I am really sick of hearing it from those who have unquestionably engaged in torso-baring at times (and in places) which they felt was appropriate at that time and in that place.
And please don’t get me started on the sanctimonious outrage over at Joe.My.God. at the arrests of gay men having sex outdoors in a secluded part of Fire Island, at the aptly-named Meatrack. Who needs tight-assed religious-right types when we have an abundance of gays who believe that engaging in sex acts outdoors, in a place widely-known to hold these activities and after taking reasonable measures to prevent discovery, is wrongwrongwrong? Because, well, what about the children?
Also? You’ll get AIDS if you have anonymous sex outdoors. Really.
No, really. Read the comments.
It’s as if they’ve forgotten what, exactly, we’re all supposed to be celebrating this weekend. That our desires are natural. And that the expression of those desires is natural, too. And that our bodies are awesome machines of love and pleasure. And expressing that should be encouraged, dammit.
So if you run into me at some point in the next four or five days and think, since I’m such a cranky fag, you might want to bitch to me about all the leather hags and drag queens and big, hairy bears and overly primped muscleboys in tiny spandex briefs on display, right out in the open for the media — and the fucking children! — to see, you might want to think again. I won’t have any of it. Just because you or I don’t personally participate or revel in that sort of thing doesn’t mean it should be prevented.
Really, if you’re so delicate that you can’t see or, ugh, rub up against that stuff, just stay home. For everyone’s sake. With the door locked.
And feel free to call me a damned hypocrite, by the way.
In the past I’ve spoken, privately and publicly, about how not into Gay Pride celebrations I am and, yeah, it’s true. I don’t like crowds. I don’t like subjecting myself to stupid people, either, and I can promise you that a higher Kinsey Score in no way makes you immune to stupidity. Friends know not to make Pride Weekend plans with me because I’ll invariably decline, knowing full well that they’ll be plans they could never possibly hope to fulfill, given the confusion and crowds and cacophony and whatnot.
But let’s rewind here, just for a moment, to remember the liberating amazingness of dancing shirtless and sweaty, in the company of shirtless and sweaty men just like you, or of unclasping your bra and hugging the baby dyke beside you on the street in an unbridled expression of proud sisterhood. And let’s remember, too, that one time (or more?) you were in some secluded outdoor spot late at night and the belt buckles unclasped and the 501s dropped to the ground and in five minutes it was all over but it was fucking awesome. And no one was hurt.
And more than all of that, remember how important Pride Day was to your evolving queer self, how connecting for the first time with Your People was such a critical stage in becoming who you are today. And show some respect. Your words might fall on the ears and eyes of those who might avoid the experiences which were so very important to you at one time, if not still.
And that ain’t right.
Your Host at Toronto’s 2008 Gay Pride Week Flag-Raising*
City Hall, Toronto, 23 June 2008
*Thanks to Anthony for pretending to be closeted for this photoillustration. He’s not at all closeted, for the record, as he and I’ll cheerfully demonstrate the next time we run into each other in public. I don’t remember his hand being bigger than my head, though, but I’ll get back to you on that.
25 Responses to “Trouble Within”
Leave a Reply
bstewart23
Beardo.
Daily Consumption
Zzzzzz (Dormant)
The Out Campaign
Pretty Box + Fine Print
Copyright © 2006, 2007, 2008
B Stewart. All rights reserved.
Images, audio and quotations other than the author's are attributed where possible; please add comment to inform the author of missing attributions.
Go Team Chest (and other hairy parts)!
You are a vrais beau mec…shove “it” down their throats!
Love it!
Up the Stuarts/Stewarts!
jgs
Fuckin’ A!
Excellent post. I am on the fence about my first pride here in Seattle. On the one hand its supposed to be a glorious day, 83 degrees and it will be my first Pride under the Space Needle. On the other hand a fellow I met last week while running at Couger Mtn has asked me to go kayaking on Lake Union and has promised he would wear a jockstrap and be shirtless. I’m on the floor now switching the light off and on…
John in Seattle
Can I support both sides by going shirtless (in a harness) but being self-conscious about it the entire time??
LOVE IT.
(and CB’s comment too!)
Brava!!!
“I know it’s really hot and sunny outside, but I wish those HIV guys wouldn’t insist on wearing shorts and tanktops.”
Wait, what? What does that even mean? Should HIV guys be wearing full-body condoms or something?
I’m with you about Pride too, B. So, as shallow and overhyped as it is, I’ll be in the parade with my volleyball league, as I’ve been for the last couple of years. Cos it’s fun, and it’s important.
You took the words right out of my mouth.
I complained about many of the same things & more in my post about Boston’s PRIDE that I attended this year.
I have to be honest. I like Dyke tits in my parade, even if they’re droopy. I also have been know to disrobe at parties. But honestly, I have poor body image and sometimes I need a drink or two. It’s probably something to do with being so hairy. As a kid I was ashamed that I had a hairy torso. I tried everything. EVERYTHING. Smelly lotions, razors, gells & even blacks magic. But honestly, I was fighting an uphill battle. Now I more or less groom with clippers so as not to be mistaken for a sasquach. I hated God for making me hairy. So I carry that shame with me to this day. It’s odd since I was a title holder for the MetroBears a few years back. That’s when I learned to take off my shirt in public. My issue then became that I was a friggin’ petting zoo for every bear admirer in the tri-state area. And the humpy men are always the ones who know a respectful distance as opposed to the men who basically said to my face “you’re nothing more than a sex object.” WOW me? Finally I’m being appreciated for my body not my mind? AWSOME! Is that wrong?
In conclusion I totally agree with not wanting to be part of such a huge crowd. The actual thought of walking into the Pier Dance horrofies me, as I’ve been a few times. I fail to find the fun in being stuck shoulder to shoulder with admittedly attractive men both on and off the dancefloor for hours upon hours. Not for me. I prefer a club or house party for PRIDE.
Great post, made me think. And I hate that.
[i]No, wait, the absolute worst of all is: “I know it’s really hot and sunny outside, but I wish those HIV guys wouldn’t insist on wearing shorts and tanktops.”[/i]
Ooh, boy, this one is *really* despicable, isn’t it? It’s like someone saying “I’m not a racist, but did those black people really have to to be so…black?” Sheeeesh.
Best,
J.
Excellent post, Brett. I feel the same way about pride events. I haven’t been to one since my better half and I moved to LA 9 years ago. I do have immense pride in my community, but the catty high school comments that one hears does drive me nuts as well. We’re all there because of the hard work people have done before us, so why not put aside our (sometimes childish) differences and bond over how far we’ve come and how far we need to go? So, I tend not to go because of the crowds, because of some bitchy queens, because of logistics (finding a parking space, etc.). But, at the same time, I’m all for it, including the shirtless dudes and droopy lesbian boobs as well.
In re: taking off your shirt, I’m all for it. Due to my lack of athleticism and my complete inability to tan, I’ll pass, but who am I to tell anyone they can’t?
Thankfully, the Onion’s pride issue has the tailor-made headline: “Pride: We Find Out How Blowing a Guy Next To A Dumpster Fits In.”
LA Pride always happens around my birthday and there’s no way I’d miss my own festivities. But I have had that excitement - that being caught up and finding out what being gay and proud means to me - and that’s awesome. And petty haters need to be willing to themselves aside for a bit and be caught up in something bigger.
Also, I hate the idea that being “equal” means we have to behave just like straight mainstream society - the be gay, just not that gay idea.
pride has become an embarrassment.
drag queens on backs of trucks screaming out their presence.
leather guys walking like someone’s pointing a gun at their heads (smile fellas, it’s contagious).
dykes on bikes — we get it, you wanna be like the guys.
streamers, balloons, cameras everywhere.
and yes, the children, too.
ya see all of this on the streets and you wonder how we got gay marriage at all.
sometimes pride ends up making me ashamed to be gay.
e
Great rant! I couldn’t agree more. Sometimes, our “community” is its own worst enemy…
Gracious, there were a lot of comments about the Fire Island arrest.
I don’t want to see people having sex in public. I don’t even particularly like seeing people passionately kiss in public, which is one of the reasons we invented eyelids: until the rest of the world realizes that all my standards are the right standards, I have to solve my problems my own way. And while I find PDA generally unpleasant to see, it’s nowhere near as high on my list as people who chew with their mouths open. In all cases of humanity offending me, I reserve the right to complain about it with the equal understanding that people are perfectly welcome to continue being as rude as they want to be.
I can’t imagine finding a state of undress in a place where being in that state is standard to be offensive and I don’t think physical beauty is a factor in whether or not its offensive, not least because beauty is so subjective.
Friends know not to make Pride Weekend plans with me because I’all invariably decline
For serious.
I really miss those ” don’t even bother calling me this weekend , I aint making no plans with anyone” lectures , which I usually responded to by saying ” I wasn’t even thinking about making any arrangements AT ALL” ; although we both secretly knew I’d be over to your place at noon.
eldon–who the hell do you think started the Stonewall Riots back in 1969 New York City? Was it the straight-acting-suit-wearing-normal-looking people?
No. It was the drag queens, the leather guys, and the crossdressers.
So go learn your history, and then remove your foot from your mouth before you get Foot in Mouth disease again.
Sheesh. The ignorance of some people is just in-fucking-sane.
Great rant, bstewart! Keep on kepin’ on!
Sorry for the delay in approving some of these comments, you guys. In keeping with this week’s theme, there was trouble brewing between my ISP and my web host and… well, it’s boring and you really don’t want to know about it.
Okay, first off, y’all, thanks so much for the enthusiastic support. Even eldon, who, I hope, will come around some time and realize that what sets us apart as a group is our desire. Our desire for who we want to fuck and who we want to love. And that expressing and celebrating our desire is what Pride Week is all about.
And, in the same way you don’t go to a hockey game and then complain about the violence, you really shouldn’t go to Pride Day and expect queer desire to be filtered for the consumption of tight-assed conservatives outside or within our “community”. Or the media. Or, fercryinoutloud, children.
What binds us, what unites us is our desire. And this week we celebrate that desire. Pride Week is our party, with our rules of decorum, not a party we put on for others.
Jeez, Eldon–calm down. Go get laid in the Meatrack or something.
Seriously, my only annoyances at the Pride parade have ever been:
1) Seventeen different floats promoting vodka;
2) Huge gaps between said floats;
3) All the community groups pushed to the back of the bus–er, parade;
4) Not enough music;
5) Raelians (though, really, who cares);
6) People who spray water on the drag queens instead of on the (usually sweltering) crowd;
7) Mealy-mouthed hypocritical politicians who do nothing for the GLBT community 364 days a year but wake up to our existence and come out to wave at us for this one three-hour period.
Tits I can handle. Kids I can handle. Drag queens I can more than handle. And glitter covered go-go boys and furry shouldered bears and half-naked poz guys, all just fine by me.
Boston Pride is so dreary that I was more than happy to have been down with a stomach bug. Seriously, it was probably a lot more entertaining. I miss the drag queens, leather boys, twinks, in your face dykes and everything that makes being gay a whole lot more interesting.
If people want to start channeling June and Ward and move to the burbs, fine. Just don’t try and make me do it.
Wow,
looks like Eldon is part of the problem.
Thank you.
I’ve worked too damn hard to get to a good place in my life where I’m cofortable with myself and able to be loving to the people around to have some one with an agenda to prove to destroy it for everyone else. I’ll take my damn hsort off if I want to and I might even drop trou in public. Just ask JMG.
Yeah. Pride is a chance to let your freak fly - or not. We’ve been fighting for the freedom to live as we choose, after all.
Brilliant!
At the risk of attracting flames, I’m with you on everything but the impromptu public sex. The Meatrack notwithstanding (because c’mon, it’s the MEATRACK!), I never have believed that people must put up with whatever I decide I want to do when I decide to do it. If I am walking with some hottie in the Dunes and we are overcome with passion and decide to go at it right there, fine, but as a mature adult I have to recognize that I do so with the potential of consequences. If it is in a public area where others (not just children but anyone who wasn’t planning on it and didn’t want to see it) who are there for reasons other than sex might wander by, then I have to accept that one possible consequence beyond an awesome orgasm is a citation for public indecency. Them’s the breaks. I believe in playing by the rules. If I don’t like the rules, then I work to change them.
Happy Pride. If you’re looking for me at the dance tonight, I’ll be the one with my shirt off.