This. That. No Other.

You know, I knew this good mood wouldn’t last.

I mean, the eyesore at the corner of Yonge and Bloor Streets is being demolished as I type this — and I’m exceedingly anxious to see if they’ll unearth the neighbourhood’s long-buried soul in the process (I mean, if there was such a thing; a soul, that is) — and it’s an awesomely sunny summer day in Toronto and the hot downtown-core businessmen in their impeccably butt-enhancing suit trousers seem especially flirty and Hugh Dillon’s still making television a half-block away all baskety and whatnot and my workout regimen is going well and The Dandy Warhols’ new album (…Earth to the Dandy Warhols…) is more of the usual (equals pretty damn good).

So, what could possibly fly into the ointment to fuck it up? Oh, I know! Federal Conservative Minister of Industry Jim “Fucknuts” Prentice! From the Vancouver Sun:

The federal government is secretly negotiating an agreement to revamp international copyright laws which could make the information on Canadian iPods, laptop computers or other personal electronic devices illegal and greatly increase the difficulty of travelling with such devices.

The deal could also impose strict regulations on Internet service providers, forcing those companies to hand over customer information without a court order.

[...]

The deal would create a international regulator that could turn border guards and other public security personnel into copyright police. The security officials would be charged with checking laptops, iPods and even cellular phones for content that “infringes” on copyright laws, such as ripped CDs and movies.

The guards would also be responsible for determining what is infringing content and what is not.

The agreement proposes any content that may have been copied from a DVD or digital video recorder would be open for scrutiny by officials – even if the content was copied legally.

[...]

On top of these enforcement efforts, ACTA also proposes imposing new sanctions on Internet service providers. It would force them to hand over personal information pertaining to “claimed infringement” or “alleged infringers” – users who may be transmitting or sharing copyrighted content over the Internet.

Oh, man.

Like it isn’t hellish enough at border crossings and customs, with lineups and all that, without the adding a scan of your entire fucking hard drive or iPod or cellphone. By someone whose entire knowledge of copyright-infringing material was gleaned in a 4-hour course. Like it won’t lead to thousands of improper confiscations of material and devices which are totally legal (see below). Like you really want every goddamned file you download passing through the filters of some government agency wonk.

And if you hacked your DVD player so it plays all region DVDs? You’re a criminal and your machine could be confiscated. Also? The non-profit facilitation of unauthorized information exchange on the internet will be criminalized. (Like, perhaps, this very post). Also also? That DVD you purchased in Los Angeles? Well, you can’t bring it into the country.

Okay, everyone can say THE FUCK??!?! all together now. And we can all start asking how these fucking morons in our governments can be so out of touch with how digital media actually works by listening to corporate lawyers who know maybe .001% more about it. And what makes it worse is that all of this will happen in secret:

…Friday’s leak of a “discussion paper” which outlines the priorities of the agreement is the first glimpse anyone has into ACTA.

“We knew this existed, we filed an Access to Information request for this but all it provided us with was the title. All the rest of it was blacked out,” he said. “Those negotiations can take place behind closed doors. At the end of the day we may be provided with something that has been negotiated which is a `fait accompli’ in which civil society gets no opportunity to critique it.”

Unfuckingbelievable. The stupidity of these people is staggering. The moment such legislation is enacted, the Interwebs will be rife with cloaking technology to hide from scrutiny every file, legal or not, these morons will be poking into.

And, say, speaking of border agents, if you imagine that convincing a border agent that the Nine Inch Nails MP3s (which you downloaded for free from Trent’s own website) are kosher might be akin to teaching C++ programming to a lobster, check this story out, courtesy blogTO:

On Monday, Marnina Norys, a Toronto resident and PhD student studying Social Political Thought, was put through the bureaucratic and culture-of-fear rigmarole while trying to board a place in Kelowna – all because she wore a necklace with a pendant in the shape of a gun (the classic Colt45, and the actual pendant depicted in the above photo).

Hijacking a plane using a tattoo of a gun or the latest issue of Guns & Ammo magazine are just as likely scenarios.

First she was told by an agent at security that she couldn’t wear it, and that the “replica” would have to go in her carry-on bag. But a second agent who was tasked with searching her carry-on bag found the gun pendant and told her that although harmless (and against all common sense) her gun would have to go in her checked baggage.

[...]

“How do you know it wasn’t a real gun?” asked Guy, a security agent with the Canadian Air Transport Security Authority, who also declined to provide his last name.

“Who knows if there is a gun that small that can shoot bullets? You don’t know that. They followed the rules.”

Damn, that’s some stupid, right there. Team CATC!