That’s EXACTLY the point – It’s up to US to provide that opportunity for growth, it’s up to US to educate people, to show them WHO we are and WHERE we are (answer: everywhere). It must come from US, because it will not come from THEM.

My husband says that not one of his former lovers acted like his lover around his family, they always behaved like “friends”. That allowed the family to act as if they didn’t know about his sexuality.

I don’t do this (and that’s not a conscious effort, I grew used to being out), and so his family was made to recognize that their son is gay and that I am not just a friend. And it’s been BRILLIANT, he says his father has NEVER treated any of his lovers like he treats me, and his mother has quickly become friends with mine (which, quite frankly, is really scary because they’ll constantly call each other and talk about us…lol).

So I think it comes down to this – It’s not so easy to opress and intimidate people who don’t act like they are intimidated. And the best way to show that you’re not intimidated is by being out, being yourself. In my experience, there’s no other way to live.

As for the rest of y’all? What bstewart23 said. Because my default is hetero, I never had to worry about coming out to anyone. However, I do remember back in my mid 20s, the first time a friend came out to me, which was when he was coming out to everyone (he was in his early 20s). It was a shock, as he had previously professed attraction to women, and I admit it took awhile for me to process this new information. But after our two hour conversation, I realized that there really wasn’t anything to process. He was still the same wonderful David I’d been friends with for several years – I just had to try to remember not to set him up with women.

In the end I was honored that he trusted me enough to tell me. Same with the pre-op transexual that I worked with many moons ago who was still biologically male (and was known as male to our co-workers). The only other co-worker who was aware of it was her wife. It amazed me that, though we weren’t super close (just good work friends), that she felt she could trust me with this secret. I think she just needed to tell someone at work about who she really was and knew that I wouldn’t freak out about it.

Unfortunately, in both cases time and geographic distance caused us to drift apart, but I still think about them and wonder how they’re doing. And I hope that they are both leading lives that allow them to be who they truly are.

I had more of a reverse problem – all of my current friends, I’ve been out to as long as I’ve known them. So when my own personal growth cycle took me to the point where I could start acknowledging attraction to men (harder for me than acknowledging attraction to women), it blew all their minds because they had a hard time thinking of me as not just being a lesbian. It was coming out all over again, and oddly, seemed *more* awkward the second time. (Possibly because so many of my friends are male.)

As for Jill Abrams’ mother – I’m kind of in love with her. Maybe *I* could turn her…

My father, on the other hand, shrank away from me, and decided he couldn’t deal with me or my then-partner. It was his choice, and also his loss. He knew that and admitted as such on his death bed. It was pretty pointless, by then. Sad.

Or when my brother asks us to stay over for a few days during a business trip and he’s totally aware of and confortable with the fact that he’ll be staying in the home of a gay couple.

And I absolutely LOVE the Harvey Milk quote – I’ve always thought that there are so many of us out there, no matter how small the percentage may be, that if every one of us just came out there’s no way, NO WAY we’d be harrassed the way we are.

Best,
J.