Disappointments in Snack Technology at bstewart23

Disappointments in Snack Technology

12May08

As Canadians, we’re constantly reminded of the disparity in snack technologies above and below the 49th parallel. A simple trip to the snack aisle of any grocery store in the U.S. makes me sad.

So it was with great anticipation that Champ bought some Grāpples over the weekend. The slogan, “Looks like an apple™, Tastes like a grape” promised so much, since I like the look and taste of both apples and grapes, odd placement of the “™” notwithstanding. The spelling of a product pronounced “grape-pull”? Not so impressed.

And, indeed, opening the package released a strong waft of… well, I’m not sure grape is quite the scent we experienced. More like grape-flavour scent.

Curious as to how successfully the plant geneticists crafted such a potent-smelling product, we washed and bit into the crunchy fruit. And… gee, I’m not sure it tastes like a grape as much as it smells like one. Or, rather, it smells like grape aroma. A lot. Okay, let me be blunt: It smells like grape-flavoured Bubblicious™ Bubblegum.

And, indeed, when you check out the packaging, there’s no deception — it’s an apple. And it’s been flavoured, not genetically-crafted. Which is totally confirmed at the Grāpple website:

Grāpple® brand apples begin either as Washington Extra Fancy Gala or Fuji Apples, depending upon the season. These “premium apples” are the ones that take on the grape flavor best. This Patent Pending process is complex and the ingredient mix primarily includes concentrated grape flavor and pure water. All ingredients are USDA and FDA approved and the process has been licensed by the Washington State Department of Agriculture.

There is nothing but flavor being infused into the apple. A relaxing bathing process prepares our apples for you or your kids. The apple takes on no additional sugars or calories. They are not genetically altered in any way. The apple is as healthy as ever but now has the new exciting grape flavor.

Yes, exciting! And not FrankenFruit! They had a relaxing bath! So, if you like healthy apples — which are perfectly tasty on their own — and if you like Grape Bubblicious™ Bubblegum, this is the product for you.

Shill

Filed under: War on Science, Yum |

14 Responses to “Disappointments in Snack Technology”

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1 Erik Rubright on May 12th, 2008 said:

I think I would have preferred the genetically engineered flavored ones better than the ones that are “just soaking in it”…
2 jgs on May 12th, 2008 said:

This would “go down” much better with you in your swim trunks.

*please see photo in top right corner…thank you…

john

ps…is that the North Irish Sea? Last trip to Ireland? can’t be off Toronto, no yellow tape!
3 bstewart23 on May 12th, 2008 said:

@ jgs: That would be the Arabian Sea in Goa, India. “Yellow tape” — hah!

@ Erik Rubright: You and me, both, buddy.
4 Cora on May 12th, 2008 said:

Hey jgs — wait’ll you see the swim trunks made OF yellow tape. Speaking of porn… seriously, one could do a whole bondage series with the yellow tape and testicular double-plays on apples and grapes and grape-flavored apples and just soaking in it versus being injected and….. or has that been done?
5 Kel on May 12th, 2008 said:

I know it seems strange and unnecessary to have an apple that tastes like grape bubblicious (why not just eat grapes?) but … there is a market for these, and it is me.

I would be truly excited to try a grāpple, but then again I’m the guy that cuts wine with grape crush.
6 David D. on May 12th, 2008 said:

Ew.
7 Rick on May 12th, 2008 said:

How disappointing. If i were a product simply called ‘grapple’ I’d buy it for the intrigue: will it induce ennui, inner turmoil, ethical conflict? No, it merely tastes odd.
8 Malle Babbe on May 12th, 2008 said:

Given how half-assed the FDA has been since late January, 2001, I’d dismiss any attempts to use their seal of approval on anything. Still, having lived in the state of Pennsylvania (the junk food homeland) the fact that said Gr(long a)pples weren’t dipped in chocolate, slathered in Cheez Whiz, or made from the scary parts of a pig leaves me unimpressed.
9 jgs on May 13th, 2008 said:

@ Cora:
Very Good! Now, if we can only get Mr. Flynn & “A Fan” to doff and tape IT (the porn) will be a winner for sure…and damn those grapy apples…it was those though that got this stellar idea off to its start, so we can’t be too harsh…art and all…
By the way dept.: why can’t you just eat an apple & grapes at the same time? I mean if that’s your predilection? It wouldn’t be pretty or possibly polite, but might provide more authentic flavor and texture…neh?
10 Sami on May 13th, 2008 said:

I think the cognitive dissonance of an apple that didn’t taste like an apple would kill me.

And I *love* artificial grape flavour, just not in a fucking apple.
11 Carol Elaine on May 13th, 2008 said:

Feh. I’ve seen these in my supermarket and have been singularly unimpressed. I’ll just stare at the picture in the upper right corner instead. So very nice…
12 cb on May 14th, 2008 said:

Where in the world does one find shit like this?? Certainly not in America!
13 marion on May 15th, 2008 said:

cb, I live in America (the U.S. part) and have no trouble finding them. Which is good, because I’m addicted to them. ADDICTED. They’re especially good with all-natural (i.e. sans partially hydrogenated vegetable oil) peanut butter. Mmmmm. But then again, I’m a grape-flavor addict, so take what I say with a grain of salt.

Excuse me, the Grapple bubble pack in my fridge is calling me…
14 Jank on May 15th, 2008 said:

They taste like purple.