It occurred to me, on post-deploy scanning of today’s Green on Thursday post, that I neglected to mention that former pornstar Colton Ford shares a name with an actual auto dealership. I do not know if this was intentional and, if so, whether it’s an homage or a sly dig (at an Irish car dealer?). But I do know that if I was to enter an exciting career in gaypornstardom, I’d pornchristen myself as Tom T. Cruise. No, not for that reason; Because I fucking hate the TTC.
Fair enough; TTC hate me, too.
The Toronto Transit Commission used to call itself “The Better Way,” but that slogan seems to have fallen from use in recent years, even on their own website. I’m unsurprised. After using public transit systems in some of the biggest, most crowded cities on Earth, I’d have to say the TTC is one of the very worst. And most expensive, too.
In the past week:
- I’ve ridden the TTC for an entire day of shopping and movie-going, and at every single subway stop, there was at least one escalator out of service. Frequently, shrink-wrapped escalator stairs were stacked on subway platforms. Ugly.
- I’ve actually had to climb over garbage piled on the subway platform. I don’t care if some pig commuters left it there, clean it up!
- I’m not proud; I ride the bus to work. It’s the most direct, door-to-door means to get there. During the hours I ride the Bay Street #6, the schedule indicates a frequency of at least one bus every ten minutes. Rarely do I wait less that 20. Including this past week.
- On the occasions that I wait longer than 30 minutes for the Bay Street #6 — on the second-most-famous street in Canada — I’ll ask the driver “what’s up? Why have I been waiting for 35 minutes when buses are supposed to arrive every ten, minimum?” And the reply, always surly, is “the weather caused delays.” Of course, to anyone with a logical mind, this makes no fucking sense. Weather delays would mean all the buses are delayed, not just yours, buddy, so there still should’ve been a bus ten minutes after I arrived at the stop.
- On Monday this week, after depositing my token in the box, not three steps down the aisle, the bus driver announced that he’d be leaving the route to fill in for a disabled streetcar on another route. I do not know why he could not have told me that before I deposited my fare. I demanded a refund. He gave me a transfer. I said “no, a refund. I need to get a cab now, since I’m already late because your bus showed up 30 minutes tardy.” He wrote me out a refund slip which, on later inspection, could only be redeemed by mail or by visiting the Davisville subway stop, which I never fucking visit, like, ever. So to obtain my refund, I would either have to spend two tokens to get one in return — on top of the taxi fare for that day — or mail it in and hope that Canada Post and the TTC were honest and efficient enough to get me my refund. As if.
- So I filled out the above slip and, defiantly, placed it in the fare box at the Union Station transit nexus instead of a token. Predictably, the fare-monkey behind the window yelled something, but I’d already flown down the steps to the subway car below, and never looked back. I wonder if I’m on some sort of watch list now.
- Speaking of Union Station, yesterday I deposited a $20 bill in the token machine and this is what was returned, minus the token I used to gain entrance:
7 Tokens + 40 Nickels
In retaliation, I took those 40 nickels — plus another 15 I obtained at a corner store this morning — and, defiantly, dumped it all in the fare box of the #6 bus, the driver of which was kind enough to stop for me as I ran to the stop. Sheepishly, I explained that the change was delivered from a TTC token dispenser and his only response was a cocked eyebrow. Revenge? Denied!
9 comments
ISSUES!!
Okay, TTC, maybe ONE of the worst, because dude? Taipei. Also large and crowded and bad, bad public transit. First, there’s a reason they’re called “chicken buses.” Second, I was there when they built the very first linie of their El, which goes RIGHT STRAIGHT THROUGH a military training area. Apparently they didn’t realize this until after it was bult (??? how did they NOT notice the drills going on around them?); anyway, the solution was to put up paper screens on either side of the tracks, so riders couldn’t see into the supersecret training area as they went by.
Paper screens. Next to El tracks. In a country that regularly experiences TYPHOONS.
Also, Bangkok. Although whether that’s an example of bad urban public transit or a porn name suggestion is your call.
I live in Manhattan, and I have this conversation every morning with myself. The schedule shows 6 minute increments between buses, yet I stand there for a minimum of 20-30 minutes. and then 4 M7s show up in a row.
The TTC has dealt rather well with the problem of unachieved schedules — they’ve simply removed them from the stops I frequent on the Bay Street route.
Cora: Will “Paris Metro” be your nom de porn?
Same scenario: 18th & Castro, three Fillmore buses bunched up any day of the week…that said, the drivers are some of the friendliest…j
How bout the subway station at my corner (Broadview AND Danforth in Toronto)….its been “under construction” , going on 6 years!!!!!!
The original signage promised 1 year…yay TTC….its the slowest way to travel the city and the unsafest too
… wow, and we bitch about Perth. At least our train stations are fairly clean, although there’s quite a bit of graffiti. Late one night I had a fascinating experience with arguing junkies at Glendalough, and on another occasion a drunken Aboriginal man asked me to marry him. He followed me halfway home from the train station. Then there was the time a drunk white guy on the train was making loud racist comments about all the non-white people around and I ended up arguing with him all the way into town. The look of silent gratitude I got from one (brown) woman nearby is a warm and righteous memory. I figure slapping down white racists is my duty as a white person. Most of the time Perth trains are pretty quiet, though. And air-conditioned. And the escalators at the stations usually work.
I have a bus stop outside my house. Convenient, except the bus comes once an hour, stops at 6pm, and is generally very, very late. Unless it’s early. So to catch, say, the 1:53 bus I have to be there by 1:40 and it may come at 2:25. Annoying.
This morning, during the snowstorm I lucked out — getting off the subway at Queens Park I was confronted by not two, but THREE empty westbound College streetcars (by the way, Brett, a route that is far worse than Bay, in my opinion, with its hoards of backpack ladden college students). I was whisked to the University in minutes with the streetcar to myself. Of course, based on prior experience, anyone following me would be waiting 20 minutes for the next group of three streetcars…
I am doing a research of TTC
thanks for u guys
I got some ideas from u.
And I hate TTC too, too slow, delay a lot.
[...] dispenser? Sllooooowwwww. I can only imagine how helpful the surly helpful and friendly TTC fare-collectors were while dealing with wet, cold people who’d waited over an hour just to [...]