“I can sum it all up in three words: Evolution is a lie”

I’ll admit it: I belong to the “Give ‘Em Enough Rope” school of commentary, in which subjects can quite ably self-immolate by innocently revealing their true natures through their own boneheaded and often wildly-offensive statements. Of course, one runs the risk of diminishing their real danger by presenting them as mere buffoons (see Bush, George W.) when the truth is actually considerably more sinister. But, in the case of Fundamentalist Christians, I’m willing to take that risk.

Also, I’ll freely admit that presenting this material for the sake of ridicule is bound to offend some. On the other hand, merely telling people that I don’t believe in their god or any other god is often deemed offensive or, at the very least, deliberately confounding. I’ll take that risk, too.

(Note: And I pay for my atheism, people, in ways you can’t even imagine! Vampire movies? Not scary any more. One of my favourite movies of all time, The Rapture? Not chilling or existentially disarming any more, at all. Shopping for Christmas presents? Oh, hold on, I never enjoyed that.)

Another risk I’ll take is to devour this stuff like candy, knowing full well that what might be sweet in small quantities is sick-making if you keep eating it up.

Have I warned enough? I think I have. Here, then, are selections from “The 100 Greatest Quotes from Fundamentalist Chat Rooms“:

What do the other human persons here think ?
No doubt someone will object, saying something obviously ridiculous like, but atheists are persons.
But clearly this is mistaken because anybody without a well developed belief in God is obviously not a full human person.
What could be more obvious than that ?
How many full human persons do you know without a well developed belief in God. Obviously none, because if they were full human person they would have a well developed belief in God.
Now some people might object to killing atheists for there (and obviously it is there and not thier as they are not whos but whats ) organs but think of all the full human persons that would benifit from the organs and the medical research that could be done on these non-persons.
How could anybody object, they are not human persons and if you think we should not kill them then that is just because of out dated ideas and because they must really just want people to suffer. For shame on you !
So what do people think ?
Should we kill these atheist human non-persons for the benifit of fully human persons ?
– Jason

To me, religion is evil. It is manmade and man-centered. I have a belief. A belief in My Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.
– jesuslover1968

No, everyone is born Christian. Only later in life do people choose to stray from Jesus and worship satan instead. Atheists have the greatest “cover” of all, they insist they believe in no god yet most polls done and the latest research indicates that they are actually a different sect of Muslims.
– Trinidad & Tobago

You got it backwards.
Creationism is based upon science, reason and tons of evidence.
Evolution is based on the blind acceptance of superstitions and fairy tales.
– CRASH

And my personal, favouritest of all…

I am a bit troubled. I believe my son has a girlfriend, because she left a dirty magazine with men in it under his bed. My son is only 16 and I really don’t think he’s ready to date yet. What’s worse is that he’s sneaking some girl to his room behind my back. I need help, God! I want my son to stop being so secretive!
– Linda

Oh, Linda.

Thanks to Fundies Say The Darndest Things for all the great material, and to semicolon for steering me in their direction.