The Worst “Heroes” Superpower
Yeah, yeah, Heroes lost its way this season but it’s still one of the most engaging serialized fantasies on broadcast television these days — well, in the days preceding the writer’s strike — and a show which the creators of oh, I dunno, Lost?, might want to take a look at when they think about writing a story that moves the fuck along.
Anyway, of all the superheroes’ powers — and, hey, Sylar? Hottest. Villain. Ever. — it’s gotta be Matt Parkman’s mind-reading that’d suck the most.
Greg “Matt Parkman” Grunberg (Heroes)
NBC Photo: Chris Haston
Imagine the cacophony of idiotic drivel he must overhear, day in and day out! Like, for example, on the way home from work:
- “Oh, do I need to stop and wait for the WALK signal? Surely the cars will stop for me. I mean, it’s raining out and they’ll stop, for sure, if I just step out into traffic.”
- “Oh, gee, now that I’m at the front of the line, I can’t make up my mind what I want! A caramel macchiato? No, I had that this morning. How about a spiced-pumpkin latte? Mmmm, that’d be good. Do I want sprinkles on it? Chocolate? Oh, dear, I’m on a diet and I really shouldn’t. Oh, what the hey, I’ll go for it! Live on the edge, that’s my motto! Here, use my card. What? There’s no money left on it? I could’ve sworn there was money left on it! Are you sure? Can you try again? What’s your problem, mister? I’m ahead of you in line and I have every right to ask!”
- “These stairs sure don’t get any easier to walk down, so I’d better hold onto both railings and walk down the center! Is that my train? Oh, phew, no, I can slow down, then. Why is that bearded man who’s following so closely behind me cursing like that? How inconsiderate! He can just wait for the next train. Why are people in such a rush these days? They need to just slow down, like me.”
- “I dunno, I just don’t think I look gay enough. That settles it, I’m getting a fauxhawk!”
- “Thank goodness I got all my shopping done! I hope no one counts my items… Oh, do I need to pay for these groceries? Where’s my purse? And why is that bearded man looking at me so angrily? Oh, wait, I think I have the correct change, let me find it.”
- “Wow, that’s so cool the way this hallway is wide enough for four people but by wandering aimlessly and with our shopping bags swinging, the two of us take up the whole width!”
- “Goodness, just look at the hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of pigeons! So happy and cooing and pooping all over the sidewalk! They must be starving to death! I’m going to the store right now to buy some seeds!”
- “Is it raining out? Oh, no, it is! The books I just bought might get wet, so I’ll just stand here in front of the door until it stops.”
- “That’s so cool the way driving my car through puddles in the bus lane creates such huge splashes! Geez, that poor guy… I fuckin’ soaked the poor bastard!”
- “It’s so cute the way Ruffles is jumping up on that man’s trousers! We just went for a walk in the rain and he’s so happy! Aren’t you, Raffles, aren’t you the happy boy!”
- “Jesus, why is he so pissed-off?”
See?
5 comments
I feel you jim, Primus is the worst company. it is very bad that they carry Canada name behind their name “Primus”, I signed up for the VOIP and it was the worst choice I have ever made. then I decided to more to regular phone line and they asked for $50 connection fee. it took them 7 days to transfer the phone. my family lived with no phone or internet for complete 7 days. then they offered me a very good offer on the internet. so they promised me to get the internet and they never did. I lived without internet for about a week again. then I said fuck it and called Rogers and got a phone service and internet from them it took them 1 day to set everything. I rather pay more but not to live in this shit.
Great photos
I agree with Mark. I do not find this movie depressing per say … but simply brilliantly written. I have the whole show memorized too … and I can watch it over and over again. And God bless Leonard Frey … what an actor !
My dear sir:
It has come to my attention by means of my attentiveness that you haven’t said much lately. Ahem ahem. If you let it go to a month, you’ll start to grow the impression that you have to explain, blah blah, and that the post has to be awesome to compensate etc. I therefore must urge you with great urgings to get something up here before November 24th. You can talk about how mustache-growing affects kissing on the part of the kisser (I know about the kissee already). Or the weather. What you had for lunch. I’m just saying, immediate action must be taken to avoid certain disaster. Or something. Please. Pretty please.
K primus is shit..
heres the story..
2008. My modem fucked up randomly, took them 1 month to fix it wdf 1 month? idiots much.
Now 2009,
My modem works all lights are on, BUT INTERNET DOESNT WORK, i call them up im like, why aint my interent working? all lights are on the damn modem. and some indian fucker says TO LOGIN WITH MY PASS AND USER ON 192.168.*.***
I do that still doesnt work, Then he shuts the phone on me,
Well then, im moving to shaw, and im not paying there bills no matter what, They wont let me cancle it since its under my dead wife, So They can suck on it, im not paying for shit. Gg primus, your company sucks, a bunch of kids can overwhlem it.
Soooo…Where the F are you? You can’t tell me that life in Van is so fabulously awesome that there is nothing to complain about! Is that city so perfect, are the roads so pothole free, are the politicians so straight that there is nothing to talk about? Or.. are you sick … that tiresome sinus issue you have? Us loving followers (yes from Toronto) need to know?
@anne & SkippyBoy: Thanks for the votes advocating more posts. They’re coming. Truth is, I’ve been working more hours than usual and diving, headfirst and enthusiastically, into establishing a social network here in Vancouver. Life is good here, very good.
Sometimes, I feel sad that there’s so much negativity on the Internet. Whether or not you like, dislike, or have no particular opinion on someone, I just don’t think it’s very nice to be so mean.
I guess I just wish people were sweeter.
This is terrible. I was on another site http://www.timhortonsfranchise.com and see they don’t treat thier franchisees any better. This is disgusting what a giant corporation can do. Spread the word.
I think it’s JUST adorable! There’s something rather touching about the small pox and polio notes to me. You’re right Brett, it’s become something better than useful, it’s become art.
let me add a voice to those advocating more posts. i miss you too and will keep checking.
hope you guys have great holidays in your new home.
I’m adding my voice to the chorus of people who want, nay, NEED posts from you, Brett. Please post soon! We miss the Canadian snark!
Missing ya, man, but glad it’s for good reasons, not bad. Hope to see you posting again soon!