Introducing an informal competition between Canada and the United States of America, based on a series of completely arbitrary, wildly unfair and predictably mean-spirited criteria.
#1: Hot National Television News Reporters
Evidence:
     
CTV’s Craig Oliver (Canada)              CNN’s Anderson Cooper (USA)
No comment.
Advantage: USA

Don’t look at me…  It’s not me smoking, it’s that damned monkey!

(Ceramic) Smoking Monkey

So, I can’t remember whether I was kneeling in front of or actually sitting on the toilet at the exact moment I turned 50 last week, due to the hallucinations and fever and nonstop waves of nausea — not to mention the projectile vomiting and explosive diarrhea — but I can surely tell you that [...]

Overheard today, on Church Street, the decaying hellhole known as Toronto’s gaybourhood…
Queen 1 to Queen 2: I’ve been thinking of getting a kilt. I dunno, I just want to make more of a statement.
May I suggest this kind of statement?

“Hey, mister contractor, don’t give me any sass; I used to be a featured performer in [...]

Fucking Ken Lay “had a heart attack” and died. Odd, since the evil motherfucker didn’t really have one to attack. So let those suicide/face-transplant-new-identity rumours begin!
Still, his demise is cause for celebration in every household and office in the world (except those of greedy fucks from hell, of course). Gee, it would be so awful if someone with Marburg virus accidentally sneezed [...]

Here’s my quandary: I’ve tried and tried (and tried) to write a preamble to this link for weeks now and give up every time, because I inevitably sound way too mean-spirited (even for me, I’m just sayin’). I could comment on the gawdawful rainbow theme, I could comment on the dubious requests-for-advice and I could certainly [...]

“Back then.”  Thanks, Mom.
So, my Mom sent this to me last week and it still cracks my shit up. It was taken on my first birthday. I’ve actually seen grown men wearing outfits not dissimilar to this. Fat, hairy, smelly men in denim overall-shorts and boots and nothing else. Right out in public, on the street! [...]

Overheard yesterday, after passing a long-long-time, regular, panhandling “homeless” person (plus emaciated Rottweiller) on Toronto’s Yonge Street…
Queen 1: That’s one of my regulars. I give him a toonie [$2 for nonCanucks] every time I see him.
Queen 2: But it’s 11 o’clock in the morning. He’s drinking a big can of beer from a paper bag. [...]

So, it took me longer to get the fucking security tape off my goddamned copy of Solaris* than it did to watch the actual movie. Fuck you, 20th Century Fox. And while you’re at it? The “PULL HERE” tab on (only one of) the security tapes? You might want to think about not putting adhesive on [...]

Ingredients:
1 rainbow flag (it’s fun!)
1 overwell-marketed, stylish cell-phone company
1 superultrasexyfun community event
45 “hot, hunky, buff, muscular” gay men
10 sscootersss!
Mix thoroughly until you achieve a hot, sexy, stylish, groovy, admirable, community-enhancing concoction!
Or…  you achieve this:

Motorola
(Hey, apologies to Allenism, whose photo I’m using without permission to illustrate…  well, to illustrate everything that’s wrong with corporate sponsorship of now-desexualized pride events [...]