Take Your Ball and Go Home

Don’t read this, Mom.

I know, I know, I’m totally late to the party on this, but amid all the brouhaha over Lance Armstrong’s painfully lame, homophobic-fratboy, anal-sex “joke” at Jake Gyllenhaal’s expense at last week’s ESPY Awards (see clip below), there seemed to be, I dunno, something missing.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=opyhfHax4vI[/youtube]

I thought it odd that no one pointed out that worse than the joke itself was Armstrong’s predictable (and even lamer) backpedalling (heh, get it?), suggesting that those who thought he was actually referring to Gyllenhaal enjoying penetration by another man were “sick people”. Because, golly, even the idea of Jake Gyllenhaal taking it in the stern is sick.

You know, for someone who spends vast amounts of time with (and who owes his entire fortune and notoriety to) a long, stiff object rubbing up against his manhole, repeatedly grinding against his anus while surrounded by muscular and sweaty men, Lance Armstrong has a lot of ball, casting aspersions on those who do exactly the same for a lot less money and no celebrity at all. Douchebag.