Who eats, like, an entire coil of garlic kielbasa right before boarding a nearly-four-hour (including runway wait time) flight from Houston to Toronto, and sits right beside innocent (sort of), law-abiding (mostly) citizens who didn’t do anything to deserve it? And who polishes off another half-coil during the flight?

Mom reviews Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest:

it’s too loud!
it’s too scary for little kids; I’m surprised Walt Disney let it out in this form!
is Johnny supposed to be gay?
it’s a wonder parents aren’t in and out throughout the whole thing, taking their kids to the bathroom; it’s that long!
oh, that one you like is in it. [...]

Apropos of nothing at all, but really fun, here’s a photo of John Travolta from the set of Wild Hogs, a scene in which he and an equally-flabby Tim Allen and Martin Lawrence are, essentially, sexually harrassed (in a really comedic, Tim-Allen-and-Martin-Lawrence kinda way, not in a Ned-Beatty-squealing-like-a-pig kinda way) by a naked gay man [...]

A phenomenon I like to call “Inching Toward the Truth”, overheard waiting for the light to change this morning outside Starbucks™:
Queen 1: I just can’t function until I’ve had my morning coffee.
Queen 2: That’s more than just a “coffee”, sweetie, that’s a Caramel Macchiato™.
Queen 1: I know, I just needed to treat myself. It’s [...]

Even more exciting than the fact that the Strangers With Candy movie exceeded my lowered expectations (as a result of so many die-hard SwC series fans who’ve expressed disappointment), was the fact that Toronto’s Cumberland Theatre audience, much-hated for their loudly-vocal self-satisfaction at being such daringly alternative cinéastes simply because they’re seeing a movie not-starring Tom [...]

Continuing an informal competition between Canada and the United States of America, based on a series of completely arbitrary, wildly unfair and predictably mean-spirited criteria.
#3: Unmasculine, Overhyped, Former National “Idol”s
Evidence:
    
   Canadian Idol K/a/l/a/n P/o/r/t/e/r    American Almost-Idol C/l/a/y A/i/k/e/n
Advantage: None.
Sorry, the overhype surrounding made-for-TV personalities devoid of unique talent (or a reasonably interesting repertoire) makes this one too close to [...]

Don’t read this, Mom.
I know, I know, I’m totally late to the party on this, but amid all the brouhaha over Lance Armstrong’s painfully lame, homophobic-fratboy, anal-sex “joke” at Jake Gyllenhaal’s expense at last week’s ESPY Awards (see clip below), there seemed to be, I dunno, something missing.
[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=opyhfHax4vI[/youtube]
I thought it odd that no one pointed [...]

While IMming with an acquaintance last night:
Bitch555: So, I didn’t see you and your man at FFN on the weekend.
bstewart23: We spent all weekend trimming our back hair to reproduce our favourite New Yorker cartoons. “FFN”? You mean “Folsom Fair North”?
Bitch555: It’s “Fun Fête North”, or something like that, now.
bstewart23: You’re joking, I hope. [...]

I totally would’ve responded more positively to the whole religion thing had they used this kind of imagery instead of the dull, tending-the-flocks-and-children stuff that was force-fed in my adolescence:

Get it, Jesus, get it!

Continuing an informal competition between Canada and the United States of America, based on a series of completely arbitrary, wildly unfair and predictably mean-spirited criteria.
#2: IKEA Uldum Rug Pricing

Evidence:
Price (USA): $249.00 ($281.83 CAN at 13 July 2003 conversion rates)
Price (CAN): $349.00 ($369.94 including 6% Federal Goods & Services Tax)
Canadian Markup: 31.26% ((369.94 - 281.83) / 281.83)
Thirty-one [...]