I'd like to introduce you to my intense hatred, my undying disgust, for what passes for morning "news" on Toronto's Global Television. I hereby promise to catalog the unending stupidity of both the content and form of the "morning news" phenomenon, best exemplified by the appallingly stupid, intellectually insulting garbage that passes for Global News Morning.

As a teaser, though, I'd like to highlight the puff piece featured on this morning's program: apparently some German dude has constructed a ginormous vehicle using soccer balls as wheels. The Global "team" breathlessly reported that it just might be the world's largest bicycle. Now, apart from the obvious objection — have they even bothered to research whether it's even close to being the "world's largest"? — if they'd open their fucking eyes and actually pay attention to whatever the fuck they're talking about, they'd see that there are three wheels on the vehicle, thus making it a goddamned tricycle.

And don't get me started on the vapid "I wonder how it's powered?" commentary, either. What, exactly, were you watching when the guy was pedaling the tricycle?