You’d look much better
With those beige pleated Dockers™
Thrown in the corner

I guess you get what you deserve, huh?

I’ve got yer “Rainbow Whopper”, right here, Champ.

I know it’s a bit late, but a couple of weeks ago The Today Show’s Matt Lauer was totally rocking the gray whiskers in Istanbul:

Matt was also Dressing to the Right, apparently:

Nothing befits a fuckwad better than ridicule and Bill O’Reilly’s infamous Inside Edition meltdown (over not knowing the meaning of the television production phrase “play us out”) recently got a remix. This is totally not safe for people who don’t like hearing the word “fuck” — but apparently aren’t overly bothered by reading it here — and completely, utterly hilarious.

The original Inside Edition rant after the jump. Continue reading ‘Spinning Mr. No-Spin’

So, here’s a couple of upcoming events for ya.

The World Health Organization removed homosexuality from its International Classification of Diseases in the early ’90s. <Insert eye-roll at the WHO’s foot-dragging here.> May 17th was thus designated as International Day Against Homophobia and this year’s campaign focuses on healthcare workers and professionals:

I dunno about the poster, though. “STOP”? Stop what? Injecting people with antigay venom? The more I look at the poster the less clear the message. Regardless, it’s worth checking out the International Day Against Homophobia website and some of these tidbits:

Unfortunately, prejudice is deep-rooted. Some people continue to think that homosexuality is a mental disorder while others mistakenly believe that it can be cured. Specialists know that this is impossible. Bisexual and transgendered people experience the same prejudice as well.

CAMPAIGN 2008

Each year, worldwide campaigns against homophobia culminate on May 17 with the International Day Against Homophobia. As it traditionally does every year, the Fondation Émergence suggests that the new 2008 campaign puts front and centre one particular sector of human activity. This year, it will be healthcare.

The 2008 campaign highlights gay and lesbian health issues. Just like any other citizens, gays and lesbians need to receive health services free of discrimination.

Gay, lesbian, transgender and transsexual people must feel comfortable in consulting a healthcare professional. The International Day Against Homophobia for the year 2008 will be an opportune time to question current practices in the health and social services field, and to put forward new approaches.

CONVERSION THERAPIES

One of the methods created to attack or eliminate homosexuality has been conversion therapies, or so-called “reparative therapies”, which ex-gay and other anti-LGBT movements are still based on today. However, starting in the early 90’s, they have been discredited by virtually all major medical, psychiatric, and psychological organisations because there is no scientific basis for such therapies and they can cause more harm than good.

This campaign is particularly important for two reasons. Gays and lesbians must expect (and demand) the same level of health care afforded to the rest of the population and, since our health concerns can occasionally be significantly different from the rest of the population, we must feel completely comfortable in a candid and participatory relationship with our health care providers.

Secondly, and I know I’ve said this before — and you’d better believe I’ll say it again (and again (and again)) — you absolutely must discuss safer sex practices with your health care provider. Get the latest poop. Get tested. Get as much information as possible and don’t ever, ever think your questions or fears are dumb.

This year’s International Day Against Homophobia campaign is an important step in this direction. Check it out.

Hey, speaking of homophobia and prejudice, how about those fuckwads at that Florida high school? You know, the ones who wanted to prohibit rainbow-adorned clothing and stickers because they “would make students automatically picture gay people having sex”? Yeah, those fuckwads!

Well, they lost their case in the the Florida U.S. District Court.

Now, full disclosure: I can’t fucking stand rainbows. Flags, stickers, rings, jockstraps. And don’t get me started about a series of colours-of-the-rainbow teddy bears artfully arranged on your bedroom shelf. How can anyone have sex in such a bedroom? I can’t.

Of course, just because I can’t doesn’t mean you shouldn’t. And just because I can’t stand rainbow flags doesn’t mean I want them removed from, like, everywhere. They serve a useful purpose for some people and, like them or not, they also represent a rather pivotal stage in everyone’s coming out. So, yeah, they can stay.

I know my approval warms your heart.

As it turns out, this year marks the 30th anniversary of the rainbow flag as a symbol of gay identity and community. Gilbert Baker designed and flew the first rainbow flag in San Francisco in 1978, paving the way for my first gay kiss/fuck/boyfriend (same guy) the next year.

Swedish vodka maker Absolut is even getting in on the anniversary, with their Absolut Colors campaign. I’m not one to shill for or automatically patronize any big corporation that gives a nod to the gays but, hey, Absolut’s history of supporting gay artists and causes has been long and consistent so I’ll probably buy a bottle, rainbow (ugh) and everything. And hide it in the fridge. Or display it ironically. Yeah, that’s it: ironically.

Now, you and I may find the notion of pride flags silly and/or outdated (and/or horribly banal), but a little respect is due such a potent symbol of just how far we’ve come in the past 30 years. And it’s still a potent symbol for people just coming to terms with their sexuality and finding community and belonging. And, as Gilbert stresses in the article above:

We cannot take our freedoms for granted. Indeed there are still parts of the world where being gay is punishable, sometime by death. The Rainbow Flag inspires hope and makes us think. Our work to unite our community has only just begun.

Gaymen, brother. But please don’t ask me to put on one of those rainbow-festooned temporary tattoos. And respect my request to hide those damned rainbow teddy bears, please. At least until I’m out the door.

Actually, the whole thing’s free. The new Nine Inch Nails album, that is: The Slip.

Does it refer to the four performers? Or to the Twilight Zone episode of the same name? Whatev. I can’t get “The Four of Us Are Dying” off my playloop. Intoxicating.

Continue reading ‘This Hear: The First One’s Free’

I got taller. But not gayer.

I joke here about loving to scandalize my Mom — with all the swears and nudity and gay sex and unbridled grumpiness and whatnot — but the fact is, my Mom is the greatest Mom who ever lived and I love her to bits. I probably wouldn’t be able to say that with any surety had I not come out to her almost 21 years ago.

It wasn’t a joyous occasion — it all spilled out during a rather bad breakup while I was moving from Calgary to Toronto — but she stood by me then as firmly as she ever had before or since. (Dad, too, of course). So when I read Leven’s potent plea to come out to your family as an act of love for them and yourself and your community, I was prepared for a bunch of yeahbuts and, indeed, the comments for that post fulfilled my expectations.

It’s powerfully liberating to be able to talk to my Mom on the phone once or twice a week and not ever have to filter where I work or what I’m doing with Champ or who I’m visiting wherever or what my friends are doing. All she wants is to know that I’m happy and healthy and involved in the world, and when she hangs up the phone I always make sure she’s reminded not just of those things but also how instrumental her influence has been in ensuring that I’m happy and healthy and involved in the world.

And doesn’t that trump all the yeahbuts — the “I need the approval of my parents”s and the “they’re too old to understand”s and the “they can’t handle it”s — we throw up as lame rationales for not trusting ourselves or the people who raised us?

Of course there’ll be horror stories of Bad Coming Outs. But I can’t help but marvel at all the energy and time and deception I’d have expended over the past 21 years had I stayed closeted from the people who made me. It tires me just to think of it. You deny yourself a life less deceptive if you don’t come out to your family. You deny your family the knowledge of the real you if you don’t come out. Denial and deception, isn’t that what we’re supposed to be fighting?

It’s important for people who’ve been out for so long to remember how enormous that fear was. And how easy it is to say “come out, COME OUT!” But there’s a yeahbut for that, too: those of us who’ve overcome that hurdle and are urging you to take that leap do so because we’ve been there. We knew that fear — we lived with it for so long, ourselves — and we’re so much happier now. It’s a huge step but a necessary one.

“We must destroy the myths once and for all. We must continue to speak out and most importantly every gay person must come out. As difficult as it is, you must tell your family, you must tell your relatives, you must tell your friends, you must tell your neighbors, you must tell the people you work with, you must tell the people in the stores you shop in, and once they realize that we are indeed their children and that we are indeed everywhere, every myth, every lie, every innuendo will be destroyed once and for all. And once you do you will feel so much better.” — Harvey Milk

And you might be surprised to find your mom’s as cool as Jill Abrams’ mom:

So to repeat what I said a couple of days ago: Mom, Happy Mother’s Day. See you in a couple of months. When Calgary joins the rest of the country in summer.

As Canadians, we’re constantly reminded of the disparity in snack technologies above and below the 49th parallel. A simple trip to the snack aisle of any grocery store in the U.S. makes me sad.

So it was with great anticipation that Champ bought some Grāpples over the weekend. The slogan, “Looks like an apple™, Tastes like a grape” promised so much, since I like the look and taste of both apples and grapes, odd placement of the “™” notwithstanding. The spelling of a product pronounced “grape-pull”? Not so impressed.

And, indeed, opening the package released a strong waft of… well, I’m not sure grape is quite the scent we experienced. More like grape-flavour scent.

Curious as to how successfully the plant geneticists crafted such a potent-smelling product, we washed and bit into the crunchy fruit. And… gee, I’m not sure it tastes like a grape as much as it smells like one. Or, rather, it smells like grape aroma. A lot. Okay, let me be blunt: It smells like grape-flavoured Bubblicious™ Bubblegum.

And, indeed, when you check out the packaging, there’s no deception — it’s an apple. And it’s been flavoured, not genetically-crafted. Which is totally confirmed at the Grāpple website:

Grāpple® brand apples begin either as Washington Extra Fancy Gala or Fuji Apples, depending upon the season. These “premium apples” are the ones that take on the grape flavor best. This Patent Pending process is complex and the ingredient mix primarily includes concentrated grape flavor and pure water. All ingredients are USDA and FDA approved and the process has been licensed by the Washington State Department of Agriculture.

There is nothing but flavor being infused into the apple. A relaxing bathing process prepares our apples for you or your kids. The apple takes on no additional sugars or calories. They are not genetically altered in any way. The apple is as healthy as ever but now has the new exciting grape flavor.

Yes, exciting! And not FrankenFruit! They had a relaxing bath! So, if you like healthy apples — which are perfectly tasty on their own — and if you like Grape Bubblicious™ Bubblegum, this is the product for you.

Shill

I don’t want to enter into a discussion regarding the supremacy of briefs over boxers (over that cop-out of underwear styles, ugh, boxer-briefs) — right now, at least — but you hafta give props to a company that names their product “pillowbiter”:

Click aussieBum advert, above, for more info (and video!)

For a variety of reasons — apart from the obvious, May-is-National-Masturbation-Month reason and also for reasons not-so-obvious (which, sorry, I won’t talk about now or in the foreseeable future) — I’m lucky enough to interact with the cream of the porn world. So to speak.

I have close and casual friends and business associates who make (or made) porn and, oddly enough, I even met up once with a porn performer who happened to use my real name as his nom de porne. That was weird. I don’t mention this in any way to be boastful, it’s just… history.

Anyway, I’ve written before, with considerable annoyance, of the weird, unjustifiable, love-or-hate, binary assessment of pop culture and, specifically, of gay pornstars by the gays. So when I announced to friends that Champ and I were off to Toronto’s Priape store to meet Titan Man Dean Flynn to set up a future interview, I was met, twice, with derisive comments. And eye-rolling sneers. Because? Well, maybe it’s the knee-jerk dismissal of That Which Appeals to Others. Or The Blasé Pose the gays often adopt when regarding sex industry workers.

Certainly no justifiable reason. Because Mr. Flynn is not just gorgeous, built and jaw-droppingly sexy — I won’t talk about his spectacular film work here or the fact that the dude cannot take a bad photo but, trust me: HOT — he’s also charming, articulate and friendly.

Which shouldn’t come as any surprise to anyone who actually knows high-end pornstars and producers on a level other than sitting in front of their television or computer with their boxer briefs around their ankles. But still, I kinda feel it needs to be said.

Anyway, meeting Dean was a delight — and I look forward to that interview I mentioned — but a surprise treat was meeting the whip-smart, funny and engaging Titan head honcho Bruce Cam, whose work has… well, as I told Bruce, his movies for Titan are so fused to my libido that they’re part of my DNA. Fitting, since so much of my DNA… well, you get the drift.

Anyway, thanks, Bruce and Dean — and the guys at Priape — for making a lovely Saturday afternoon that much… hotter.

Titan’s Bruce Cam, Dean Flynn and A Fan